scream

krankenwagen @ 2006-10-30T20:46:00

2006-10-31T01:46:48Z

if you dub over original buster keaton films with shitty techno, and make yourself seem like a better person for it, i hope you get hit by a truck. :)

krankenwagen @ 2006-10-06T21:49:00

2006-10-07T01:53:49Z

i keep getting hopeful things will get a little easier, just until summer.
but alas.

page france keeps me in a good mood,
go listen

happy music !

krankenwagen @ 2006-09-30T15:56:00

2006-09-30T20:00:35Z

last nights show was amazing.
there is really no more i can say about it.

krankenwagen @ 2006-09-24T17:26:00

2006-09-24T21:34:45Z

yesterday, i sorted a lot out.
it was much needed.

i met nate, which was good.
we chilled, mick had girl problems,
we raced, i came home seven hours late.
which wasn't so good.
i got new shirts which was good.
i realized i think dropping out would work out for me,
which in many opnions is bad, in others not so.
i realized how happy i could be not having to answer to my parents.
which was amazing.
i reinforced the fact that i love boston and i and i am staying here.
which was good.
i saw conor,
which was good.

basically i had a good day.

hey, wanna fuck the order?

krankenwagen @ 2006-09-09T11:11:00

2006-09-09T15:11:50Z

Ma petite puce, je t'aime.

krankenwagen @ 2006-09-07T22:25:00

2006-09-08T02:25:58Z

what's going on,
i don't like it one bit,
its old, and tiring, and
i want to go to sleep, and wake up next year, i can graduate,
and move out,
and be on my own,
it will be better than this,
oh will it ever,
shit.

i want to learn to sew,
i can draw just not sew,
i also need 900 more dollars for a camera
that costs 900 dollars,
shit.

cast list is tommorrow,
i'm not worried about it,
but,
if i get pulled from this show,
i'm no good,
shit.

all i need is a new seamless,
and i'm set,
but,
if i don't end up shooting this weekend,
i will get bored,
and lazy,
i want to study art in college,
but my parents won't fund it,
shit.

guess i'm paying off one more thing

krankenwagen @ 2006-08-30T18:34:00

2006-08-30T22:35:12Z

another year has begun, and it's sad, because i forgot how unavoidably dull school can be. BUT if i am to have a good year i can't go on with this attitude so.

krankenwagen @ 2006-08-23T09:56:00

2006-08-23T13:59:34Z

i leave for the woods in a few hours, but since i like the solidtude of being there, i am glad, so for those who i see and talk to everyday, i will be back sunday.

i also sort of got hit by a car the other day, and behind this cut is what happened, now, its gross, but since it amuses me, i will post the photos.

krankenwagen @ 2006-08-21T19:30:00

2006-08-21T23:31:02Z

krankenwagen @ 2006-07-29T13:32:00

2006-07-29T17:33:10Z

what i have of the new cursive album is amazing, and i can't stop listening, and thats two songs and an intro. and this song is good. real good.

Dorothy, I know you've had amazing dreams
We can't go chasing down each golden street
Each and every rainbow, each passion, each unattainable goal
We're not in dreamland anymore

Dorothy, it seems you'll never understand
This here land is everything we have
Every sweat-stained collar, every dollar,
every bent and bloodied spur
We're not the kids that we once were
We can't be the adults we want to be

Dreams are all you have, dreams have held you back
Dreamers never live, only dream of it
Dream cars, dream houses, dream jobs, dream spouses
Dreams of tornadoes, cities of emerald

And I know we swore we'd make more of ourselves
but this plot is literally our lot in life.

American dreams pollute our cities
Our piece of the pie can't fill our bellies
(More!) More square inches
(More!) Picket fences
(More!) Clothes on the line
(More!) Naps at noontime
More of our fair share
More of our birthright
More of what we're owed

Paid vacation
(More!) Entertainment
(More!) Compensation
(More!) Gratuitous gratification

Dorothy, wake up, Dorothy, wake up
Dorothy, wake up, it's time for work

krankenwagen @ 2006-07-28T18:46:00

2006-07-28T22:46:57Z

this is only a chapter
this is only a chapter
this is only a chapter

today is not going well

so

i tell myself.

krankenwagen @ 2006-07-12T22:15:00

2006-07-13T02:16:51Z

i read this, it made me smile, because it is very true.

At age 4 success is . . . not piddling in your pants.

At age 12 success is . . . having friends.

At age 17 success is . . . having a drivers licence.

At age 35 success is . . . having money.

At age 50 success is . . . having money.

At age 70 success is . . . having a drivers licence.

At age 75 success is . . . having friends.

At age 80 success is . . . not piddling in your pants.

krankenwagen @ 2006-07-11T10:23:00

2006-07-11T14:23:50Z

excuse me sir,

but i'm your biggest fan.

krankenwagen @ 2006-07-05T14:17:00

2006-07-05T18:17:46Z

i can't stop listening to circa survive,
his voice makes me more comfortable, i like that.

everyone is gone, far away, different places, i wish i was somewhere, preferably in a city, one that i hardly know, t'would be nice.

krankenwagen @ 2006-06-23T18:28:00

2006-06-23T22:28:26Z

we're all puppets, we're all marionettes

krankenwagen @ 2006-06-19T20:44:00

2006-06-20T00:44:49Z

i'm not very descisive

plus i'm sort of confused which doesn't help,
help?

krankenwagen @ 2006-06-19T08:37:00

2006-06-19T12:37:51Z

saturday was nice

i look forward to the summer, and all the people i will spend it with.

krankenwagen @ 2006-06-18T15:38:00

2006-06-18T19:56:20Z

50 QUESTIONS//

1) Where was your last kiss?
at a park

2) What color boxers/underwear are you wearing?
blue breifs

3) What are you listening to right now?
brand new

4) Whats your favorite number?
8, its aerodynamic

5) What was the last thing you ate?
the end of diana's bananna

6) When was the last time you smiled?
and meant it for serious?, when she said reciprocated

7) How is the weather right now?
too hot

8) Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?
mollie

9) What is your worst habit?
attachment

10) Do you drink?
yes

11) Do you smoke?
yes

12) When was the last time you blacked out?
a month or so ago

13) Do you have a girlfriend/boyfriend?
no

14) Your Hair color?
brown

15) Eye Color?
blue

16) Do you wear contacts?
nope

17) Favorite Holiday?
either the fourth of july or new years

18) Favorite Month?
october

19) Have you ever cried for no reason?
i don't think so

20) What was the last movie you watched?
motocycle diaries

21) Favorite Day of the Year?
the first day of fall

22) Are you too shy to ask someone out?
in general

23) Last advice you gave to someone?
let it play out

24) What was the highlight of your weekend?
the beach yesterday

25) Chocolate or Vanilla?
vanilla

26) Where were the last 3 places you went?
boston, wolly beach, otherside

27) What did the last message on myspace say?
it was a phone number

28) Who was the last person to call you?
mollie

29) What was the last sports game you watched?
FRANCE v. korea

30) When was the last time you slept in someone elses bed?
not recently

31) what is your favorite color?
grey, green, red

32) What are you wearing?
my red and white shirt, and mesh shorts

33) What were you doing before this?
watching the cup

34) Any pets?
no

35) Favorite Drink?
green tea

36) Butter, Plain or Salted popcorn?
butter

37)Dogs or Cats?
dogs

38) Favorite car?
darlaaa, shes no car, but way better

39) When was the last time you got in trouble?
today

40) What did you do?
got caught smoking

41) Have you ever loved someone?
yes

42) Who would you like to see right now?
zidan zidane in person, in germany, or mollie

43) Are you still friends with people from kindergarden?
just james

44) Have you ever fired a gun?
nope

45) Do you like to travel by plane?
its okay

46) What websites do you go to frequently?
yeah, myspace

47) If you could be anywhere right now where would it be?
beach/show

48) How many pillows do you sleep with?.
i sleep on one, there are two

49) Are you missing someone?
sort of, which is odd

50) How was your day?
okay

krankenwagen @ 2006-06-15T22:04:00

2006-06-16T02:06:23Z

i rode to the beach, and i brought a camera, i wanted to go to nesop today, never considered it before today though.

krankenwagen @ 2006-06-14T20:57:00

2006-06-15T00:57:56Z

if it makes you more interested in reading all this, i was very high when i wrote, i like to write, i like being high.

Ten AM, get up brush teeth, have a smoke, get in the car, drive. The sky is falling, the colors of the clouds run as they seem to disappear in the midst of the blowing trees, the smoke filters out the window, pollution? The passenger seat is empty, then, full, another car, the headlights sit next to me, and the driver sits in my backseat. The chilled breeze let though the window by the other car is damn near impossible to deal with. The clouds regain shape as the ground blurs itself. The headlights finally shut off in the other car, and an excruciating noise is emitted by a stopping car. People gather around the spectacle, black.

Light pollution, no stars, no people. Not such a spectacle. There is no movement below the hips, frankly, there never was, but this time, it is quite literal. The light pollution is getting to me. The blue glow of the monitor doesn’t help one bit. The monitor begins to turn to ash, the bed I am laying in begins to turn to grass, I need a smoke. The forest fires are killing trees, I can only imagine that is what the ashes are from, the kid drops the pipe, not quite cashed, and the leaves spark, he panics, runs, fire. I was never a fan of fire, I wouldn’t fancy melting. Seems a bit to gruesome of a way to go. Joan of Arc must have had it tough.

I lay in an empty field, waiting, for something, damn I wish I was more sure I knew what it was. This field is empty, goddamn vast too. There is nothing but this vastness, this emptiness. It must’ve been a good eight months since I’ve had a good fuck, it must’ve been a good eight months. She couldn’t stand the way I shook when I got anxious, she couldn’t listen to me bitch one more time about that light pollution, about how much modern music irritated me, about how much I despised cars, and Salinger. Next to me sits a pack of smokes and a playing card, I flip the card over and it is a nice one, one of those bicycle playing cards, three of clubs. As I sit down at the piano, in front of me reads Chopin’s Impromptu in C sharp minor, sonva bitch to play, try in sometime, call me if you want to hear a good I told you so.

No man has ever said anything worth writing down, it just makes it too permanent, far to permanent. I was never a fan of cars I said as I walked through the vastness. Finally I reach the door, I think it was what I was looking for, I didn’t actually know, always wishing I knew, always wishing I knew better, goddamn. Behind the door sits the city, the girl I was supposed to be with, a book I was supposed to write, shit, it really is a shame about cars.

Most people never understand, I never understood, she never understood, its quite simple actually, there is too much, far to much to ever process, information is a sonva bitch. She had dark hair, dark eyes, not quite arian, but pretty nonetheless. Hitler wouldn’t have gone for her, but then again, he had Eva. Stalin may have liked her, he would have killed her eventually, at the moment I wished Stalin would kill me, imagine, being a statistic in a history book, that would be nice. Writing always got to me, I would usually write about boys, how much they intrigued me, how the bothered, and how I was sure I was gay when I kissed one. Boys, goddamn boys.

I never took a liking to cars, motorcycles neither. They both were to much for me. When I was six I was supposed to get married, not arranged, parent wise, but I really wanted to, it was to a girl. We kissed behind the chalkboard, and no one saw us, I understood things then, now, its just nonsense.

I don’t think anyone ever taught me how to swim, I like swimming, I am dead I think, being dead is a strange feeling, I feel the same, but everything is vast, I can’t seem to get into that city where the girl I was supposed to marry lives, that’s disappointing, I wonder sometimes, if it wasn’t for cars, if I would have that studio, if I would be a famous writer, and fuck twenty eight year old girls, or if I would be an old drunk who masturbates far too much. I am pretty sure I could be an old drunk who fucks twenty eight year olds. If I wasn’t thinking so much I would grab a smoke, but thinking isn’t letting me do that now. I secretly feel bad for all of the people who died from smoking, and the people who spend their whole lives smoking and die unfortunately, life works out funny like that. I don’t even know which I would rather to be frank.

krankenwagen @ 2006-06-13T22:06:00

2006-06-14T02:35:02Z

i need to be more sure of things. i never post about anything important, or meaningful, just things that intrigue me.
i just want everything to come together, too much to ask? its been a while since that, i really do miss that.

the last time everything just fit together was one of the best most amazing/awful times of my life, but for some reason i miss that. i miss having someone like that. this is by no means a plee to her, this is by no means anything of that sort. its just trying it actully is terrible sometimes, always wanting that, and looking but having everything just one puzzle peice away from a full puzzle.

there have been people, who have made everything real good, but they come and go too quickly. right now, i feel almost sure about this, but then, not so much, i still jump to the worst, and run around in circles in my head trying to figure it out.

i miss photography, she made me miss it today, i need a better camera, but i have so much to pay for, all the money i make is going to school, so i can finish on time, an extra year would kill, quite honestly i don't think i would go through with it. i don't want to be a drop out, but school for five years, not for me.

i need to know, i need to be sure of how i really feel. i mean feelings come quick, and pass, but i just need to know that these won't, even if it is just an inclination, that hint of a feeling, if its not worth my while, i want to be sure of that, and not on the fence, thats all i ask. i don't want to fuck anyone over, i don't want to get fucked over,i just want this to be okay, becasuse, okay is all we really need.

krankenwagen @ 2006-06-08T21:47:00

2006-06-09T01:55:13Z

come ride your bike with me

krankenwagen @ 2006-05-29T18:23:00

2006-05-29T22:40:01Z

i got nice shorts, they are bright orange nylon sorts,
i like to get dirty looks from asians while wearing them.
i like to ride to the beach in the morning,
like the beach in south boston at six in the morining.
pleasent.
aslo,
okkervil river
yo la tengo. go listen.

krankenwagen @ 2006-05-20T21:15:00

2006-05-21T01:15:23Z

lovely night we're having!

krankenwagen @ 2006-05-05T18:04:00

2006-05-05T22:04:53Z

no more mysapce